For me there cannot be a discussion about the fact that children are the most important thing of our future. This means they have to be kept well as the formers of world’s happenings. Of course it is not possible to adopt this main aspect in the early childhood. Other things seem to be important by regarding the aspect that children have to discover the world first.
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The most important thing for a child is the environment of a stable family. This means they need parents who support and form their development. Values of our daily life have to be taught early and emphatically by people a child respects the most. Therefore a high responsibility exists for parents and grandparents, which means not to satisfy all of the children’s wishes with money but to teach those conventions like liability, equity and respect. Statistics show that those values are more experienced by children with a stable parent house while children from broken homes can become victim of a lack of experiences. This is related to the view of experts who believe that children need to experience influences of both, male and female genders in a balanced proportion.
Related to the idea to discover the world, I think that it is important to reach a back to basic movement, which concerns in this case to the entertainment programme. Computer games and modern types of entertainment like films, music and other multimedia programmes gain in importance while other quite simple experiences like nature and interpersonal relations lose in importance. In my opinion this trend has to be forced to turn around with the objective to show the children the important features of life. As I have mentioned before it is the responsibility of the adult world to make those experiences possible.
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Of course the whole environment can also influence the development of a child. Negative examples can be found by regarding the experiences children had in countries beaten up by war. A lot of children of the generation of the Second World War are exposed to those problems and are faced to these happenings their whole life.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your thoughts and ideas and I think you have made many important points. However, I also have some suggestions to make.
AntwortenLöschenStructure:
You have a well-structured introduction that ends in a neat thesis statement - but the thesis statement is a bit too specific. Remember that a thesis statement should summarize the entire text.
Paragraph 2 covers a bit too much. All of it is very interesting and relevant, but it would be even better if you divided it into two separate paragraphs (right before "Related to the idea to discover the world...").
In short blogs, a separate concluding paragraph is not always necessary, but a summarizing clincher sentence at the end would help the readers feel they are not left hanging.
You make good use of transitions - well done!
Language:
You have a rich and varied vocabulary and though there are some unidiomatic expressions, you are definitely on the right track. I have selected a few examples below:
-Reformulation: The children will "shape the events of the world" (paragraph 1).
-Avoid overusing the definite article. It should not be used together with uncountable nouns in the generic sense (as in "the early childhood", paragraph 1).
-Word choice: "equity" is not the same as "equality".
-Prepositions can be tricky. "The idea of discovering..." is correct (9n paragraph 2).
Keep it up!
/Teacher
Dieser Kommentar wurde vom Autor entfernt.
AntwortenLöschenObviously I totally agree with the comment above.
AntwortenLöschenIn general I have really enjoyed reading your blog this week. It looks that you have a good level of English, so I have not found too many reviews to improve your writing.
About the structure: You should make another clear separation in the second paragraph since it is too long.
About Language: You make a good use of language, therefore I do not have anything else to add after the teacher´s comment.
Lucía